


A Heart So Big It Hurts Like Hell

by costia_gray



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers is Bad at Feelings, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, High School, Midvale (Supergirl TV 2015), On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, POV Alternating, Relationship Discussions, Romantic Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, Secret Relationship, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23651002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/costia_gray/pseuds/costia_gray
Summary: Alex and Kara fumble their way through major changes in their relationship while trying to get through high school in one piece.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 151
Kudos: 267





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story began in pieces throughout my [_Supergirl Q1_](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601275) series. The original pieces will be interspersed with new content for the first several chapters before we get to totally new content. 😊

**_Tuesday, September 5th, 2006_ **

The day Kara breaks Derek Strauss’s nose, she wants to sink into the Earth and die there.

She’s never hurt a person before. _Never._ She’s accidentally torn up walls and doors and floors and furniture, but she’s never hurt an actual human being. She and Alex have had some close calls when playing around, but Kara is beyond careful. She’s so careful that her anxiety feels like it is constantly choking her.

But Derek Strauss tries to kiss her at her locker at the end of the day, and the next thing she knows, he shouts and grabs his nose and falls to his knees on the floor. He’s a baseball player, strong and resilient, but he’s in tears because of _her_. Because sweet, nerdy, innocent Kara Danvers tried to kiss him and busted his nose because, oh yeah, she secretly has _super strength_.

She manages to stay still and soothe him and tries her best to ramble excuses to the nurse and the teacher that come to see what happened. She apologizes over and over again, but she’s not surprised to hear the nurse say he’ll need to go to the hospital.

She hides under the bleachers by the soccer field until Alex finds her. The girls’ soccer team has filled the field for practice, chattering loudly and laughing and kicking around soccer balls. One ball flies just past Kara’s head and Alex chases after it, sighing when she finds Kara huddled up off to the side.

Alex is in her workout clothes, her hair tied back in a high ponytail to keep it off her neck. She grabs the ball, throws it back toward the field, then slides under the bleachers to sit by Kara’s side.

“I heard what happened.”

Kara frowns, a spike of nervous energy jolting through her. “I didn’t mean to, Alex. I didn’t move too fast or too hard, I promise!”

“Hey, relax.” Alex reaches out to grasp Kara’s wrist. “I know, Kara. I’m not mad at you. You shouldn’t be mad at yourself either. It was an accident.”

“They had to take him to the hospital,” Kara mutters dejectedly.

“That’s what they do with accidents,” Alex replies patiently.

“Well, what if this means I can’t kiss anyone _ever_?” Kara asks, eyes wide with worry. “I’d like to at least have the option!”

“You _do_ have the option,” Alex insists, tugging on Kara’s arm. “It was one time. You don’t know if that’s what’s gonna happen every time.”

“Yeah,” Kara huffs, “and I’ll never find out. I am _not_ doing that—”

Alex’s hand on her wrist tightens and the other pulls at her neck. Surprised, Kara gives in to her, and before she knows it, Alex’s lips are on hers. Kara’s hands flail until she concentrates and settles them on Alex’s hips.

Alex doesn’t cry out and pull away, bleeding and in pain. Her lips move eagerly against Kara’s, like she’d been waiting for this, and Kara can’t help but fall into it. She kisses back, slow and soft, still hesitating to completely give in.

When Alex pulls away, she’s breathless and Kara finds herself reaching out, trying to pull her closer again. She was enjoying that and she wasn’t done. She’s always craved having Alex close, and this new intimacy makes her feel light for the first time in a long time.

“See?” Alex asks softly, stroking along the back of Kara’s neck. “Kissing doesn’t automatically spell doom. I’m totally fine.”

“You’re sure?” Kara questions, scrutinizing Alex’s face carefully. She wishes she could use her x-ray vision, but she knows better now than to use her powers in public, even something that seems so innocuous.

“I’m fine,” Alex repeats seriously. “You didn’t hurt me, Kara. You would never hurt me.”

“I wouldn’t,” Kara agrees earnestly. She leans into Alex again hopefully, pleased when another firm kiss is pressed against her lips.

“Cap! Hey, has anyone seen Cap?”

Alex jerks back abruptly when they hear her teammates calling. Kara startles, her heart racing. She’d almost forgotten they weren’t alone. Alex’s team is waiting for her.

“Shit. I have to go.” Alex starts to get to her feet but turns back, tugging gently on Kara’s shirt. “No one can know about this. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Kara agrees quickly, too high on what they’ve just done to even consider disagreeing. “I’ll see you at home?”

Before Alex runs off, she kisses Kara one last time and whispers, “See you at home.”


	2. Chapter 2

**_Tuesday, September 5th, 2006_ **

Kara floats home in a blissed-out haze. Her mind reels with thoughts of Alex — Alex’s smile, her hands, her voice, her _lips_. Kara can’t keep the smile off her face no matter how much she tries.

When she gets inside, she finds a note on the refrigerator from Eliza. It’s a reminder that she’ll be late at the lab tonight, but she’s planned out their dinner. The family always makes an effort to eat a little healthier during Alex’s soccer season, as a show of support, to make sure she stays fit and in championship form.

Unfortunately, that means a lot of Kara’s favorite foods are off the menu. No pizza. No Chinese food. No candy of any kind.

Kara doesn’t mind. Well, not _much_. It’s given her the opportunity to learn how to cook, with Eliza’s encouragement. It’s slow going, but she can already do more than Alex, who can just manage blueberry pancakes and poached eggs, her dad’s favorite breakfast. Eliza never pushes her to learn more, and that’s okay with Kara. As long as she knows how to cook, she’ll always keep Alex fed.

She finds two pounds of chicken set out on the dish drainer, defrosting, and a printed out recipe for chicken lettuce wraps taped to the kitchen cabinet above. She reads it over, commits it to memory, and checks her watch. Alex usually gets home around 5:30, and it’s only 4:30 now. The recipe claims it takes about twenty minutes to finish, including prep, and if she cheats a little with her super speed, she can probably get through it all even faster.

She puts all the dinner ingredients she’ll need out on the counter, then moves to the table to spread out all her books and papers and get her homework done. Most of this Earth schooling is child’s play for her. Alex hates it. She’s constantly complaining about how lucky Kara is to have a super brain.

When Alex comes in shortly after 5:30, she’s completed everything with fast-approaching due dates, cleared the table, and she’s just finished painstakingly carefully folding up the last wrap. She beams when Alex comes in to find her dinner laid out on the dining room table and licks her lips. She’s always ravenous after practice. Tonight doesn’t seem to be any exception.

“Smells delicious,” she compliments Kara, pulling a chair out and plopping down. Alex looks over the large platter of wraps skeptically. “You sure there’s enough for you here?”

Kara shrugs, plating two wraps and setting them in front of Alex along with a glass of iced green tea. “Don’t worry about me.” Her words are met with a tired scoff, and she rolls her eyes. “I mean it. There’s plenty for me in the deep freezer in the garage if I need more. You eat! You’ve been working up an appetite.”

Alex’s stomach growls and Kara nudges the plate closer to her again. She takes two more wraps for herself, and they start to eat. Kara tries not to stare — Alex _hates_ that — but she can’t escape the way her heart races and butterflies fill her belly. Neither of these things are new, not when it comes to Alex, but after this afternoon, it feels like more.

Alex hasn’t mentioned anything, though. Kara decides it’s probably best to wait until she does. She’s very aware of how Alex can be when she’s pushed out of her comfort zone. They’ve come a long way since losing Kenny, and she doesn’t want to throw a wrench into that progress. She can’t stand the thought of Alex hating her again.

Instead, they make small talk about Alex’s practice. Alex absently mentions that Lauren kept asking her what had her so distracted, especially after she took a soccer ball to the side of the face. Kara hums in acknowledgement and hides her smile behind her hand. At least she knows she isn’t the only one whose mind has been whirling.

“Did you like the wraps?” she asks, amused, after Alex has polished off her fourth in a row. She grabs Alex’s near-empty cup and refills it with another round of tea.

Alex gulps down a mouthful of tea and hums, nodding her approval. “It was great, Kara,” she says sincerely. “Thank you. I really was starving. Are you okay, though? Have you eaten enough?” Her expression turns worried, and she reaches out to slide one hand into Kara’s.

“I’m fine,” Kara says, giving Alex’s hand a very soft squeeze. “Really. Don’t worry so much. You’ll get wrinkles.”

Alex grins, reaching out with her free hand to brush her thumb just above Kara’s nose, between her eyebrows. Their eyes meet; Kara’s cheeks flush under her foster sister’s warm gaze. “You’re one to talk, alien girl,” Alex teases, pressing into the spot where Kara’s crinkle emerges when she’s thinking too much.

Kara’s breath hitches and she leans forward just a tiny bit. She doesn’t want to pressure Alex. She doesn’t want to push. She just wants to feel that closeness again, the rush that came with knowing Alex wanted this brand new intimacy with her and could emerge from it unbroken.

Alex’s forehead rests against Kara’s. The hand Kara has held captive squeezes and the other moves down to cup her cheek. Kara’s heart is in her throat, beating frantically in her ears. Their eyes meet, and Kara tentatively tilts her chin.

Alex pulls away.

Disappointment sinks into Kara’s stomach as Alex gets to her feet, reaching back to let her hair out of its ponytail. She looks down at Kara apologetically, but there’s something like fear in her eyes. It reminds Kara of that second before she flew Alex off the bridge before they were run off the road. Alex’s fear was brief then, barely a flicker. Now, the fear is lingering, plain for Kara to see.

“Alex…”

“I’m all…sweaty and sticky. I need to shower,” Alex interrupts. She turns her head nearly the second the words leave her mouth. It sounds like a lame excuse to both their ears. “Meet me upstairs? I could use your super brain to help me out with my Calculus homework. I mean, if you can.”

“Sure.” Kara forces on a smile, for Alex’s sake. “I’ll just clean things up down here first.”

Alex nods, gripping the back of her chair. She stands there for a moment, looking at Kara uncertainly. Then, she nods again and jogs up the stairs without another word. Kara can hear the bathroom door open and close, then the squeak of the shower as Alex turns the water on.

Kara sighs and gets up to clear the table. She works methodically and quickly to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen — not super quickly, though, giving herself time to process. Today has been a wreck of a day, and now her one good thing…

Well, maybe it wasn’t really that good after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Tuesday, September 19th, 2006_ **

The breeze is warm as night descends onto Midvale. Kara loves to come down to the beach for sunsets and sunrises as often as she can. She loves that brief, melancholy moment when the sun is red as it crosses the horizon, and she imagines it’s Rao. Darkness always follows, but the moon’s rising soothes her. Reminds her that her new home is good too.

The dulled thud of footsteps on the sand reach her ears a full minute before the owner steps up beside her. Without a word exchanged, Kara straightens out her legs and spreads them apart, making room for Alex. Alex slots right in, leaning against Kara’s front with a contented sigh.

Two weeks have passed since Kara broke Derek’s nose and Alex kissed her under the bleachers. Alex hasn’t mentioned it once, so Kara hasn’t either. They had that moment, that almost, the same night, but nothing came from it. She’s been lost as to how to proceed ever since. She doesn’t know how to bring it up, what it meant, what to say. She’d almost decided it was a fluke, but it wasn’t just one kiss. It had been three, in rapid succession. That’s more than a fluke on any planet.

But the only thing that’s changed, that so much as implies their relationship has changed direction, is this. For the past five nights, Alex has come to sit with Kara on the Danvers’ private strip of beach. Sometimes they idle the time away with chit-chat, but mostly, they just sit together. Kara wraps her arms around Alex’s middle, nuzzles against Alex’s neck, and they sit in the stillness together.

Tonight, though, Kara cannot hold her tongue. The moon is just shy of full, bathing the white, sandy beach in a soft glow. Even from this angle, the way it illuminates Alex’s sun-soaked skin is breathtaking.

“You look so beautiful in the moonlight,” she whispers, her lips caressing Alex’s ear. The older girl’s eyes flutter closed as she shivers in Kara’s arms and snuggles in deeper. She tilts her head, presenting Kara with more exposed skin.

Kara’s heart thumps anxiously in her chest, but she takes the gesture for what it is: an invitation. She inches her way down Alex’s neck with her lips, her kisses soft and fleeting until she finds the juncture where Alex’s neck meets her shoulder. She wants to bite, wants to leave a hickey there that Alex will have to cover, but she stops herself.

Instead, she lifts her head to kiss Alex’s cheek.

Alex’s eyes slowly open and Kara leans forward to kiss her lips. A part of her expects Alex to protest and push her away, but she kisses back, just as eagerly as the last time they did this.

When she pulls away, her cheeks are flushed and her lips look a bit bruised, and she says, “Neck hurts,” and grips Kara’s shoulders. She shifts up onto her knees, loops her arms around Kara’s neck, and Kara blinks at her stupidly for half a second before she’s being kissed again.

This is not a situation they should be getting into without talking things through. They’re setting themselves up for hurt on every front. This could devastate them if things go wrong, break them apart, and Kara hates the thought. Alex is everything to her. The responsible thing to do is stop and make Alex talk.

Just as she’s set to do that, Alex grips her shoulders, brings their foreheads together and whispers, “Please,” desperately against Kara’s lips.

Kara’s resolve breaks when she sees the uncertainty mixing with desire in her foster sister’s brown eyes. She grips Alex’s hips, coaxing her closer, and nods before kissing her again.

Maybe talking can wait a little longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Tuesday, September 19th, 2006_ **

It still takes a little while each night for Kara to fall asleep. When she lowers her guard, lets herself rest, her senses go back into overdrive. Every little sound grates on her nerves. During her first few months here, she didn’t sleep at all. It was easy enough; she’d spent the past twenty-four years sleeping, and Earth’s sun kept her super-charged.

Eventually, though, Alex noticed how fidgety she’d become, and she had to learn to rest. She learned to isolate one soothing sound — _Alex’s heartbeat_ — and let it lull her to sleep. And when she slept, she slept deeply but woke easily. The slightest change in sound around her, and she’s awake.

It’s even harder for her to sleep tonight. She and Alex spent hours on the beach together, whispering to each other and giggling between long, slow kisses. They were both covered in sand by the time they got up to go home. Kara spent nearly thirty minutes in the shower, scrubbing every grain of sand from her hair and skin, giddily replaying every moment of the evening over and over again in her mind.

If she’s honest, Kara’s always been a little bit in love with Alex. Whatever this is between them (because it must be _something_ now) is only making her fall harder. But she can only revel in the high for so long before the harder things, the concerns and the questions and the fears, come creeping back inside.

She’s just barely started to drift off to sleep when she hears Alex sit up in her bed across the room. She turns her head to watch Alex approach and lifts her arm when Alex’s hand closes around her wrist, her intentions clear. She shifts over to make room on the bed for Alex to curl into her front. Their eyes meet, and Alex’s foot nudges between her calves. One hand wraps in the front of Kara’s shirt and the other rests lightly against her cheek.

She’s surprised when Alex leans in and kisses her, all softness and uncertainty, her hand trembling against Kara’s cheek. It’s nothing like their first kiss under the bleachers, when Alex took control, when she seemed to want and act without thinking at all. And it’s not like the first kiss they shared tonight, when Kara initiated and Alex reciprocated without any qualms, eager bordering on desperate.

This is another sort of first kiss. Alex needs reassurance. So, Kara gives it to her. She presses forward, reciprocating the kiss as carefully as she can, mentally counting backward in Kryptonese to keep her strength in check. She covers Alex’s hand against her cheek with one hand, the other slipping around Alex’s back and tracing the bumps of her spine through her nightshirt.

They part for Alex to catch her breath. Kara leans forward to rest their foreheads together, gazing into Alex’s dark, glazed eyes. Kara’s lips part, the question she wants to ask heavy on the tip of her tongue. But Alex smiles, soft and shy but content. The anticipatory tension in Kara’s shoulders unfurls. She bites her tongue, again.

She moves with Alex as she shifts onto her back and takes up most of the bed, despite Kara being the longer-limbed. Kara sprawls half over her, secures an arm over her waist, and settles down. She likes it when they lay like this — when she is the cuddlee to Alex’s cuddler. 

One of Alex’s hands slides into her hair. The other spreads across Kara’s arm around her waist. Her nose and mouth press into the crown of Kara’s head, and Kara slackens against her. She lays her head Alex’s chest, listening as Alex’s heart stutters all over itself.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she admits, stroking Alex’s hip.

Alex nods. “It’s okay. I got you,” she murmurs. She trails her fingertips lightly through the fine hair on Kara’s arm and starts to hum a familiar tune.

Kara recognizes the old song at once. She remembers it from those early days on Earth when she had to learn to sleep again. Alex would sing to her, to help her focus on blocking out the noises until she learned to isolate just the steady, even thump of Alex’s heart.

Kara’s eyes flutter closed while Alex sings quietly into her hair, her strong heartbeat filling in the rhythm of the song.

_“Oh, when the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin’ along… along…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song choice inspired by the ever-amazing Chyler Leigh!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHSsLscY3g8)


	5. Chapter 5

**_Wednesday, September 20th, 2006_ **

“How long do we have?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex says, her words muffled against Kara’s lips. “Just kiss me.”

She relaxes against the wall beneath the stairwell when Kara obeys and keeps kissing her. They’re already pressed as close together as they can be, but Alex reaches out to grasp Kara’s face and pull her impossibly closer.

This was never Alex’s intention. The first time, under the bleachers, all she’d wanted to do was help. Kara was scared and upset, and it was Alex’s job to make it better, so she did. She’d made Kara smile and feel good again and that made _her_ feel good.

But that first kiss changed things.

Alex has always been attracted to Kara. It’s hard not to be. She’s gorgeous and she actually has the personality to match. Feelings are pretty much impossible to avoid. Alex has tried and failed more times than she can count.

A long time ago, she boxed up those feelings, sealed it with heavy-duty tape, and tried to banish it to the back of her mind. But it never went far enough. It was always there, full to bursting, threatening to break.

Now, it’s broken. Instead of trying to shove everything back in the box, though, or even take the time to go through it all and get organized, she’s avoiding the mess and indulging. She’s taking every item out to examine it and then tossing it back on the pile and hoping for the best.

Alex knows Kara’s being careful and patient with her. Their relationship has escalated and changed so much recently. She knows Kara wants to talk about it, and she’s tried to, but Alex keeps kissing her instead because she’s not ready. She knows what Kara wants to ask her, but she doesn’t know how to answer.

This is the first time since under the bleachers that they’ve kissed at school. Alex wasn’t planning this, but she’s been craving Kara like a drug. Desperation got to her, and she dragged Kara away not even halfway through their lunch period to hide away and taste her lips and her tongue.

Her body is aching, tingling with need. She wishes she could ask Kara to pick her up and hold her. She wants to wrap her legs around Kara’s waist. The thought of that super strength, of Kara handling her that way, is such an intense turn on.

A pitiful whine leaves Alex’s throat when Kara slowly breaks away, kissing along her jaw instead and landing on her cheek. She leans into the gentle press of lips, her hands moving down to clutch at the front of Kara’s soft pink sweater.

“Alex, we have to—”

“No,” Alex protests. Her chest hurts just thinking about Kara going away. “Stay. Please.”

“The bell’s about to ring,” Kara murmurs, cupping her cheek. “I have art class next period.”

Well, there goes any hope Alex might have had of getting Kara to skip. Art is her favorite class, since Earth sciences bore her. She tries her best to mimic one of Kara’s pouts, but Kara just grins and kisses the tip of her nose.

“You’ll have me again tonight,” Kara says, stroking beneath her chin. She has a serious look in her eyes that makes Alex go tense. “But I really think…we should talk, Alex. I don’t mind keeping this private, but I _need_ —”

The bell, as Kara predicted, rings. Relief whooshes through Alex and she steps back quickly, bending to pick up her bag off the floor.

When she straightens, she flashes Kara a smile. “I’ll see you at three, okay?”

Alex would have to be an absolute fool to miss the hurt look on Kara’s face. A lump forms in her throat, and her chest feels tight and uncomfortable. She hates seeing Kara hurting, but she’s not ready. She doesn’t know how to explain herself yet, how to really examine what the hell she’s started here. It petrifies her.

Kara’s answering smile eventually comes but it’s weak, followed by a solemn nod of her head. She doesn’t verbally reply, and Alex knows better than to push it.

The stairwell has started filling with noise as other students head for their next period. Some are off to their lunch, some to actual classes like Alex and Kara. They can’t linger anymore.

“Go to class,” Alex says quietly, pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”


	6. Chapter 6

**_Wednesday, September 20th, 2006_ **

Her mom’s still at work when the bus drops Kara and Alex off at their usual stop a couple of blocks from home. They walk home in silence; Kara hasn’t spoken a word to her, but Alex hasn’t really tried to engage her either. And before she can, Kara sits down at the dining room table and takes out her books to start her homework.

Kara’s been around long enough for Alex to know the quiet means that she’s upset and trying to deal. But Alex is the reason she’s upset, and she hates that. Even if she deserves to be iced out, even if Kara deserves to be feeling how she’s feeling, Alex can’t just leave well enough alone. She can’t help but push.

“Kara.” Alex sighs, wrapping her arms around Kara from behind, pressing her cheek to Kara’s temple. Kara melts under her touch; she takes that as a good sign. “Please talk to me.”

There’s another long stretch of silence, and then, Kara raises a hand and cups Alex’s arm.

“If I talk,” she says quietly, “I want to talk about…what we’ve been doing. Everything.” She tilts her head back to meet Alex’s eyes. “I can’t ignore it, Alex. I know you have been, and that means you’re not ready, but I really— I need you to talk to me. I need to know what all of this means to you.”

Alex pulls away, and Kara’s face starts to fall, but all she does is grab another chair. She pulls it close to Kara’s and holds out her hands, palms up. Kara smiles and places her hands in Alex’s, looking at her with a mix of fondness and skepticism.

Alex wants to speak. The words keep forming and reforming in her head, but when she opens her mouth, nothing comes out. Her tongue feels tied. The expectancy in Kara’s gaze fades into disappointment, and Alex’s chest feels tight. Why is she like this? Why does she keep letting Kara down?

“It’s okay,” Kara says softly, squeezing Alex’s hands. She sucks on her bottom lip, her voice a whisper when she speaks again. “I just… I have feelings for you, Alex. Like, real, romantic feelings. And I think you’re feeling them, too. But…until you’re ready, we need to stop and take a break. I don’t— I _can’t_ live in this uncertainty anymore.”

Alex frowns, looking down at their joined hands. She doesn’t want to take a break. She’s invested in this, too; she _does_ have feelings for Kara. She wants this, all of this, more than she can say. But that’s the problem. She can’t say it. It’s too big and too terrifying and there are so many potential consequences that Alex can hardly breathe thinking about it.

“Yeah,” Alex finally says. “Maybe that’s best.” She gently extracts her hands from Kara’s and stands, not missing the hurt that flickers through big blue eyes. “I have an essay to work on for Ms. Lopez. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Alex, you don’t have to go,” Kara pleads, reaching out to snag Alex’s wrist. “I didn’t mean—”

“I know,” Alex says quietly. “But I can’t stand hurting you, Kara. And I am, I know I am. So, I need to…get my shit together. I just need some time, okay?”

With a sigh, Kara releases her and nods once, her eyes soft and hopeful. “Okay,” she agrees. “I’ll be here as long as it takes.”


	7. Chapter 7

**_Sunday, September 24th, 2006_ **

The beach is just starting to fill with people when Alex comes to shore with her board. She breathes deeply, clears her lungs, and runs her free hand through her soaked hair. She plucks every wet strand off her face and out of her eyes, then drops down to open the cuff strapped to her ankle.

Tucking her board under her arm, she starts the trudge back toward her house and their little strip of fenced-off beach. It isn’t until she’s made it to the **Private Property** sign that she sees the slight figure seated just out of the tide’s reach.

Her heart lodges itself firmly in her throat. Over the past three days, she and Kara have been farther apart than they have in a long time. They don’t talk, which she hates, but there’s been no kissing either. Right now, that’s a good thing. Kissing Kara means dealing with a mess of feelings — not just her own but Kara’s, too, and she can’t be responsible for that right now.

Kara hasn’t abandoned her, though. She keeps her distance where she can, but she’s always there, lingering in Alex’s peripheral vision. Alex aches every time she sees those big, sad, puppy dog eyes watching her. But Kara always walks away, and Alex hasn’t tried to stop her yet. She’s needed the space.

Kara’s already pressing her hands into the sand to get to her feet when Alex steps past the fence post onto their beach. She’s far enough away that, if she were only human, Alex would have to yell to get her attention. Instead, at a normal volume, she says, “Wait.”

Kara freezes instantly.

Alex sticks her board in the sand before sinking down beside Kara. She’s so still and stiff, more alien-like than she has been in a very long time. A pit of guilt ties Alex’s stomach into a knot, knowing she’s the one who’s made Kara feel uncertain and unsafe and unwanted again. She has to fix it.

She shifts closer, so they’re pressed thigh to thigh, and reaches out to take Kara’s hand, gently lacing their fingers together. And after only a couple of seconds, Kara sighs and melts against her. Alex takes her weight without complaint.

“Were you watching me?” Alex asks her softly.

Kara nods. She presses her forehead to Alex’s temple and Alex shivers despite the heat of the sun. She breathes Kara in deeply, tightening their intertwined fingers. Temptation simmers beneath her skin. She shouldn’t be so close when she’s still a mess, when she knows Kara wants more and all she’ll do right now is hurt her. But keeping this distance between them has been _so_ hard.

“You looked good out there,” Kara finally says. She pulls away and lifts their joined hands to her lips, kissing the back of Alex’s. “You always do.”

“Good waves today,” Alex says.

Surfing has always been as close to therapy as Alex has ever come. The waves take away all the confusion, all the pain. Nothing soothes her quite like surfing always has. It gives her the space she needs to clear her mind and just _move_.

“Alex,” Kara begins tentatively. “Are you ready to…”

“I need more time.” Alex speaks mostly to the shoreline, brushing her thumb along Kara’s. “I’m trying, Kara. I just…” Alex turns to take in her profile, watching her blonde hair fluttering in the ocean breeze. “I’ve never felt anything like this. I don’t know how to handle it. Especially… I mean, it’s _you_. You’re my—”

“I understand,” Kara cuts in quickly. “It’s okay. You should—” She turns her head away, lifting her hand to wipe beneath her eyes with the heel of her palm. “Whatever you need, you should have. I’m sorry for trying to rush you.”

Alex’s heart sinks.

“Kara,” she murmurs, moving both hands up to grip Kara’s upper arm. “Please don’t cry.”

Kara turns back to her, cheeks streaked with tears. “We should stop,” she says. “Forget the whole thing. It’s too hard for you. Maybe it’s better if we forget it, Alex.”

A flare of anger burns through Alex’s chest. Her jaw tightens, and she turns away, staring out at the water again. She knew better than to come over here. Kara was giving her space, and Alex should have let her. She’s still parsing through her feelings, trying to figure out how to deal with everything being really _with_ Kara would entail. But coming over here, asking Kara to wait, gave her the impression she was ready. She made a mistake.

“I just need more time, Kara,” Alex says evenly. She turns to Kara again. “You’re the most important person in the world to me. I’ve never cared about anyone else the way I care about you. And that’s… It’s a _lot_. Just saying it…” She shakes her head, presses one hand to her chest, and sighs.

“But,” she continues, “I don’t want to forget it. Any of it. And I don’t think you do either. Do you?”

Kara shakes her head, brushing an escaped tear from her cheek with her thumb. “No,” she admits in a whisper. “I don’t. I lo—”

“Stop,” Alex pleads, eyes wide. Her heart is drumming frantically in her chest with the implication of what Kara was about to say. She knows it — Kara’s already as good as admitted it — but Alex isn’t ready to hear her say it just yet.

Kara clamps her mouth shut, her cheeks turning an embarrassed red. Alex bumps her shoulder against her sweet alien girl’s. She’s asking this because of her own fear, not because of anything Kara’s done wrong.

“Not yet. Just…hold on to that for me, okay?”

Kara nods slowly, sucking on her bottom lip. “Okay,” she agrees. “I’ll wait. I meant what I said. As long as it takes.”

Alex leans forward and presses a kiss against Kara’s soft cheek. “I promise I won’t make you wait forever.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, from now on, I'm going to be posting these chapters on Mondays. I have no idea how long this story is going to go on, but I'm going back to regular office work today - yay 😑 - which means I won't have as much time to write when I'm supposed to be working.
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoy this new chapter!

**_Thursday, September 28th, 2006_ **

“Are you watching anything good?”

Alex tilts her head back at the sound of Kara’s voice behind her. She smiles and shrugs. “Not really.” She was hoping for a _Buffy_ rerun or even an old cartoon, but she hasn’t come across any of that yet.

Kara comes around to the side of the couch, sliding halfway onto the arm on Alex’s left side. “Can I… Is it okay if I sit with you?”

“Yeah,” Alex says, moving over to make room for Kara without hesitation. She watches as Kara slides over and settles in. She sits cross-legged and as close to the edge of the couch as she can, about half a foot from Alex.

Kara has given Alex four more days of distance since their talk on the beach, but it’s clear it’s been wearing on them both. Even Eliza has noticed and commented. She’s gotten used to seeing them attached to one another. Alex is expecting a stern lecture if they keep this distance much longer.

She can’t really say if she’s gotten much clarity on their situation during their time spent apart. Her feelings have been overwhelmingly strong from the beginning; nothing’s changed there. The consequences she’s afraid of — her mother’s disapproval, being ridiculed and judged by her classmates for being gay, for being with her foster sister — haven’t changed. It’s just a matter of whether she’s ready to face those things or not.

There’s no doubt in her mind that she isn’t. She can already imagine the disappointed look on Eliza’s face if she ever tells her how she feels about Kara. Her social life has already degraded since her falling out with Josie. She has no doubt she’ll plummet into the depths of High School Hell if they do this and it gets out.

But the little crush Alex has harbored since nearly the second Kara came into her life has expanded and grown and become so much more. She’s already told Kara she’s never felt anything like this. She’s dated boys, kissed boys, but she has never wanted them the way she wants Kara. And in the midst of all these tangled up, confusing feelings, that’s the strongest of them all.

“C’mere,” she murmurs, holding out her hand for Kara to take.

Blue eyes light up, half surprised, half uncertain. Alex wiggles her fingers insistently, and Kara shifts closer, letting Alex’s arm settle across her back. She’s still tense, though, stiff as a board against Alex’s side. Alex can’t really blame her; last time they’d gotten close, it hadn’t meant what she thought it meant.

“I don’t want distance anymore,” Alex says quietly. She rests a hand on Kara’s leg and leans in to kiss her cheek. “Whatever this is between us, I want to try it, Kara.” 

The awe in Kara’s eyes and the bright smile that opens her face stirs up fluttery feelings in Alex’s belly. But her expression turns concerned in the blink of an eye. “Are you sure? If you’re not, it’s okay. I don’t want you to—”

“Kara,” Alex interjects. “Are you trying to talk me out of this now?”

“No!” Kara exclaims quickly, scooting in closer to Alex. “No, not at all.” She smiles and her body relaxes as she leans their foreheads together. “This just feels too good to be true. Almost like it can’t be real.”

“It’s real,” Alex assures Kara firmly. “But I want it to be just us for a while, okay? This is very big and very new and…” Alex pauses, trying to think of a tactful way to explain. “People aren’t going to like it. I think it’s best if we keep it to ourselves.” 

Kara stays quiet, her brows drawn, her expression contemplative, and the crinkle emerges. Alex lifts her finger to brush across the ridges. This isn’t really the reaction Alex was expecting. She expected a little more enthusiasm. Or a response of some kind — _any_ kind.

“Do you think you can do that?” she asks. “At least for a little while.”

When nothing comes, Alex slides her hand down Kara’s face and frowns. “Kara,” she prompts, cupping her cheek. “What are you— _mmh_.” Alex startles, taken by surprise when Kara darts forward and cuts her off with a kiss. Warm tingles erupt outward from her chest.

She’s still a little stunned when Kara breaks the kiss and grips her hips. After a moment, Alex leans into her and tilts her chin up expectantly. Kara smiles, strokes her hair back, and kisses her tenderly again.

“We’ll keep us between us,” she says quietly. “Whatever you need, Alex.”

Alex isn’t oblivious to the reluctance in Kara’s voice, the touch of uncertainty still in her eyes. Alex knows she doesn’t like to hide. She hides so much of herself on a daily basis, and now Alex is asking her to hide more. It isn’t fair, but it’s what they both need, even if Kara doesn’t understand right now.

“Thank you, Kara.” She slides her arms around her gorgeous alien girl’s neck and drops a fleeting kiss on her lips, giggling when she leans back and Kara chases after her lips, stealing another long, tender kiss. 

“Let’s go outside,” Kara suggests. “We can look at the stars together.” She stands, holding both hands out to Alex to help her to her feet.

Alex smiles and puts her hands into Kara’s. “Sure,” she agrees. “Better than anything on TV.”


	9. Chapter 9

**_Wednesday, October 4th, 2006_ **

Kara spins her locker dial and pulls it open, reaching into her backpack at her side to change out her books from third to fourth period. The hallway around her is filled with other students doing the same, some milling about chatting during the passing period. She catches snippets of conversation, but most of it is white noise at this point.

She remembers a time when this much noise would have sent her into a panic. There had been a couple of rough incidents during her first year here, particularly. Now with the help of the lead in her glasses, she has enough of a grip on her senses to keep it all to a dull roar.

Grabbing her green notebook, she thumbs it open to the most recent page to do another quick check of her homework. All of the equations look correct, so she reaches for a pencil to erase one of her answers and fill it out incorrectly. Eliza’s always reminding her to be careful how well she does, to appear just a little less so she doesn’t stand out.

She pushes the eraser through the flimsy paper when she feels a hand on her shoulder and startles. She whips around, her eyes widening in surprise when she sees just who the culprit is.

“Derek! H-Hi! Wow, I—” She smiles a little awkwardly, wincing when she sees his nose. It’s mostly healed, but there’s still a fading bruise along the left side. “Your nose…it looks better?”

Derek smiles. “Thanks, Kara. Yeah, it’s healing up.”

Kara has to admit he’s cute and he has a nice smile. She’s surprised he’s approached her, though. She hasn’t seen that much of him since the incident, but she doesn’t think he’s still interested in her. Why would he be after what happened? A broken nose had to be discouraging.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Kara says sincerely. “And I’m… I’m so sorry about your nose. Again. Really.” Her cheeks burn with embarrassment and she reaches up to rub at them, averting her eyes. She’s put what happened with Derek out of her mind, but she’s still ashamed she caused him any sort of harm. She’ll never forget it.

“It’s really cool, I swear.” Derek chuckles, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d still like to go out with me. I think I asked you that before you, ya know, broke my nose.”

Kara’s mouth drops open a bit and she stares up at Derek in surprise, blinking stupidly. She’d almost forgotten he’d asked her on a date before trying to kiss her. A date she’d accepted.

“Oh. Um.” Kara bows her head, taking a moment to close her locker and slide her notebook into her backpack. She needs to buy herself time to think up how to gently let him down. A lot has changed in the month since she first said yes to a date with Derek. She never imagined he would still be interested after what she’d done.

“Come on. I’ll make it worth your while,” Derek persists, his eyes lighting up. “Maybe we can try out that kissing thing again…” He takes a step closer to her, and she backs up at the same time. He isn’t deterred.

Before she knows it, his lips are covering hers and her entire body goes stiff with shock. She can’t believe this is happening. She’d really believed Derek was a sweet guy, but this definitely makes her second guess that. 

When her mind catches up, she reaches between them to push back against his chest. The shove is harder than she intended and he stumbles but doesn’t fall. She’s glad, at least momentarily, that she didn’t break his nose again — or anything else.

“No,” she says firmly. “I’m not interested, Derek. So just…back off.” Her finish is a little weaker than she’d like it to be, but judging by the scowl on Derek’s face, he’s taken the message to heart. She watches as he walks away, pushing roughly through a crowd of frightened freshmen.

Then Kara sees Alex a few feet away, tense and still. Her face is carefully blank, but she’s clearly seen what happened. Kara knows her well enough to know she’s hurt. And when Alex is hurt, she gets angry instead.

“Alex,” she says, trying to hurry to explain. “Let me—” But that’s as far as she gets before, unsurprisingly, Alex turns on her heel and storms away. 

Kara follows right behind her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and added dates to the top of each chapter because I can't stand a sloppy, uncertain timeline. So, if y'all are anything like me, hopefully this will clear that up for you too.

**_Wednesday, October 4th, 2006_ **

Kara catches Alex by the elbow right when the bell rings. The hallway has mostly emptied out, but she opens the door to the nearest stairwell and leads Alex in there anyway. She waits a minute, listening as the last stragglers open the second and third floor doors above them until she’s sure they won’t be overheard here.

She doesn’t mince words, sliding her hands down Alex’s shoulders and meeting her eyes. “Derek kissed me, Alex,” she says softly. “I didn’t want him to and I didn’t kiss him back. I know what you saw—”

“I know, Kara,” Alex interrupts, lifting her hands to rub Kara’s arms. “I saw you send him away. I was…surprised and kinda overwhelmed, but I— I shouldn’t have walked away. I know you aren’t…interested in him. I mean, I know you wouldn’t.”

Kara’s heart swells happily in her chest. It’s a relief to realize Alex trusts her implicitly. She’d been preparing herself for an argument, but it seems like she was being a little too pessimistic. “I wouldn’t. I would never do that to you,” she whispers, leaning her forehead against Alex’s. “And I’m _not_ going to let something like that happen again. Never, Alex.”

Alex cups her face and closes her eyes, taking a slow breath as Kara shifts her grip to engulf her sweet, fragile human in her arms. She angles her head down to kiss her lips, but she’s stopped by a hand against her chest. She frowns, her forehead wrinkling, and pulls away to look into Alex’s eyes curiously.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks softly, searching brown eyes. 

“Yeah. I was just thinking…” Alex sighs. She looks torn, something between nervous and regretful. She traces over the pattern on the front of Kara’s lilac sweater, her eyes low. “Maybe it would be better for you if—”

“Alex, _no_ ,” Kara cuts in firmly. She knows where Alex is going with this before the words fully leave her mouth. “I want _you_. I care about _you_.”

“I know,” Alex whispers. Another long sigh leaves her. “But you wouldn’t have to hide with Derek.”

“Derek who kissed me without my consent,” Kara argues, eyebrows rising meaningfully. Alex can be so thick-headed sometimes. “Do you think I wanted that?”

“No, of course not, but _technically_ , so did I,” Alex retorts, raising an eyebrow herself. “The first time, anyway.”

Kara grins broadly and her body warms with love and affection and _want_ as the memory of their first kiss jumps to the forefront of her mind. She places a feather-light kiss on the corner of Alex’s mouth then nips at her lips. Alex shivers in her arms and pleasure shades her cheeks deep pink.

“You took me by surprise,” Kara agrees, “but I wanted it. I wanted you then, before then, and I want you now. I just didn’t think you would ever want the same thing.”

“I do,” Alex murmurs, brushing her lips lightly against Kara’s. “But I want you to be happy, too, and if that means you need to—”

“By _Rao_ , Alexandra,” Kara groans. “I. Want. You.” She says the words slowly and clearly, punctuating each with quick kisses: one to each cheek and the third to the tip of Alex’s nose. “How many times do I have to say that?”

Finally, blessedly, Alex relaxes. Kara can feel the tension leaving her back and shoulders, and a small, shy smile pulls at her lips. Kara very much doubts this is the only reassurance she’ll ever need, but for now, she’s content. They both are.

“Can I kiss you?” Alex asks quietly. Her fingers wrap loosely into Kara’s sweater at her sternum. “Please?”

Kara hums thoughtfully for a moment before grinning and dipping her head. “Yes,” she whispers. Her grin broadens when Alex immediately seals their lips together.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the posting delay, guys. Enjoy!

**_Saturday, October 7th, 2006_ **

Kara leans up on her elbow, looking down at Alex — stretched out on her back with her hands tucked behind her head — with a gentle smile. Kara reaches out with her free hand, tracing her finger across the length of Alex’s exposed midriff. She watches with rapt eyes as Alex breathes deeply and shivers under her touch.

Alex Danvers is the most beautiful creature on this Rao-forsaken planet.

The early afternoon breeze makes the corners of the picnic blanket they’ve sprawled out on flutter off the ground just a bit. They’re hidden away in a generally deserted area of the park, shrouded by a small grove of trees. The basket of food Kara packed up to the brim is now empty. Nothing but a few crumbs linger at the bottom of the wicker.

Alex played two soccer games this morning, with Kara and Eliza watching with the other girls’ families in the stands. They won the first game easily, but the second ran into overtime — until Alex scored the final goal and won that one for Midvale, too. The look of elation on her face when her teammates cheered for her made Kara’s heart swell. She wanted to make Alex smile like that every chance she could.

After congratulating Alex on her wins, Eliza took them home to let Alex clean up before going off to meet one of her colleagues for lunch. Kara packed up a big lunch for the two of them while Alex was showering, and then they’d come out here to be alone.

It’s their first official date. It’s not what her pop culture infused mind has pictured — nothing like date nights you see in typical teen dramas or cheesy romantic comedies — but it’s wonderful nonetheless.

Feeling braver, Kara flattens her palm against Alex’s belly, sliding up and down the length of her stomach. She loves this newfound intimacy between them. She likes the way Alex’s eyes darken and her breath catches in her throat. So much so that she dips her head down to softly kiss her lips, sinking down farther when Alex’s hands slide across her neck.

Their lips part, and Kara smiles, nudging Alex’s nose with her own. Kissing is incredible, but there’s so much more between them now. She feels closer to Alex than she ever has before.

“Thank you,” Alex murmurs, tracing the curve of Kara’s jaw with her fingertips. “Lunch was great. You’re getting good at this cooking thing.”

“One of us has to be or we won’t survive outside of Midvale,” Kara teases. It was less cooking this time, more assembling sandwiches. But she’ll still take the compliment. She likes having things she can do to take care of Alex, however small.

“That’s only if you don’t eat it all first,” Alex banters back, smirking playfully. Kara pouts and opens her mouth to protest, but Alex just laughs softly and pulls her into another kiss.

“So, is this a good first date?” Kara asks breathlessly, grinning down at Alex after they’ve parted. “You seem pretty happy.”

“This is a perfect first date, Kara.” Alex’s palms press against her cheeks. Her smile meets her eyes, and Kara can feel that her happiness is genuine. She smiles back.

She swallows down against the _I love you_ sitting on the tip of her tongue. It almost hurts her to keep from saying how she really feels, but she can’t push too far. She’s still a bit awed that Alex really wants to try being together, and she’s trying to tread carefully. She nearly scared Alex away once, and she doesn’t want to do it again.

“What do you want to do next?” Kara asks, dragging the pads of her fingers down Alex’s cool skin. “It’s Saturday. I want to make sure you have fun.”

“I’m having plenty of fun. But if you wanted to get a little closer…” Alex grins, coaxing Kara gently closer and tilting her chin up, lifting both eyebrows. She’s gorgeous and so enticing and Kara can’t resist.

Leaning down, Kara captures Alex’s lips with her own. Alex’s hands slide across her upper back and Kara shifts down to settle on top of her, careful to measure her weight so Alex isn’t squished too hard. Her breath hitches, heat pooling low in her stomach when Alex’s knees bracket her hips. She presses kisses to Alex’s cheek, then down across her neck…

Alex lets out the prettiest moan when Kara’s lips graze her pulse point.

Yeah, they’re not going anywhere just yet.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Saturday, October 7th, 2006_ **

“Tell me more about Krypton.”

Kara tightens her arm protectively around Alex’s waist as they settle down at the edge of the cliff they’ve spent the afternoon hiking. The ground feels solid beneath them, but falling would be a very long drop. She’s not going to risk Alex’s life for a view. She’s still not always too trusting of this unkempt, borderline unstable planet.

Alex is fearless, though, dangling her legs over the edge without a care in the world. She’s apparently inexhaustible, too. Two soccer games, a big lunch, and a long, heavy make-out session seem to have only made her more energized than ever. This hike was all her idea; she didn’t want their date day to end yet, and Kara was happy to oblige her.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything. Anything.” Alex looks at her, dark eyes bright with curiosity. It makes Kara feel warm inside to see Alex genuinely interested in what her world had once been. Ever since they’ve grown closer, Alex has been more open, more accepting. She’s still a bit overbearing and tends to monitor Kara like she’s worried she may expose herself at any second, but they’re steadily building a firmer trust. It’s progress.

“You know some already. Like…we didn’t have birds.”

“Yeah. I remember.” Alex leans against Kara’s shoulder, reaches for Kara’s free hand, and interlocks their fingers. “What about us? Would we be able… Like, could we be together on Krypton? Even though we’re…both women?” Alex’s voice is soft, cracking over the end of the question. She dips her head, her hair shielding her eyes from view.

Kara squeezes her hip and slips her other hand from Alex’s to lift her chin. She knows potentially being gay is a big deal for Alex. It scares her, perhaps more than nearly anything else being together entails. Kara isn’t blind to how wildly intolerant humans are of same-sex attraction.

“Yes,” Kara says firmly. “Matches varied on Krypton. Two female bondmates were not uncommon. We were beyond the primitive gender and sexuality norms of this planet. _Way_ beyond.”

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in,” Alex mutters with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “We’re all just dirty, sex-obsessed, brainless animals, right?”

“All except for you,” Kara replies with a cheeky grin. She draws Alex in closer and grants her a few quick kisses. “ _You_ are brilliant, Alex. My mother and father would have loved you. You would be a perfect addition to the House of El.”

Alex snorts rather indelicately and turns to look out over the ocean below them, glowing red and orange with the beginning of the setting sun. “I doubt it. I’m not worthy enough or sophisticated enough to be Kryptonian. You’re a literal supercomputer and I can barely even get through Calculus.”

Kara decides to ignore that bout of self-deprecation and leans her forehead against Alex’s temple again. “We would be a love match,” she continues. “I… I was betrothed back on Krypton, part of an arranged match. But if I’d seen you…”

Alex turns to look at her, brown eyes round with surprise. Kara means every word. She’s been smitten with Alex since the very moment she first saw her. She had adored Thara, and if life had gone on as normal on Krypton, she knows she would have bonded with her best friend and been happy. But she’s certain that this pull she feels toward Alex isn’t unique to this particular reality.

“If you’d seen me, what?” Alex prompts her quietly, lifting her hands to stroke down Kara’s cheeks. Kara’s skin tingles under the soft touch.

“I would have demanded my father take us before the Matricomp to test the strength of our match.” Kara scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip, tilting her head into Alex’s touch. “And I would have fought for you, Alex. I would have found a way to bond with you, like my uncle Jor-El and my aunt Lara.”

Alex’s lips are trembling as she draws Kara in close, taking her lips in an achingly languid kiss. Kara closes both arms securely around Alex’s quivering body and floats them back from the edge of the cliff to sit in the tall, green grass. Alex shifts forward to straddle Kara’s hips, her long, dark hair fluttering across their faces as their kisses become deeper, hungrier.

Alex is breathless, panting, by the time Kara pulls away. She cups red cheeks in her hands, angles her head up so their foreheads press together, and gazes intently into dark eyes. Her heart is beating triple-time and she feels overcome, desperate. She wants to say what she’s feeling _so badly_ …

But her tongue suddenly becomes heavy in her mouth, leaden. She’s so afraid to wreck this that she can’t bring herself to speak. 

Her fear must show on her face. Alex’s brows furrow with concern.

“What is it?” Alex asks her softly.

Kara swallows back the dread burning her throat. She needs to get this out and hope for the best. She knows Alex cares about her. She knows this relationship is not one-sided.

So, she takes another deep breath and whispers, “I love you, Alexandra Danvers.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I am late posting and haven’t hit back comments from last week. Beginning of the month is always crazy, but I’ll circle back soon. Those of you who have been loyally commenting surely know by now how much I appreciate you! ❤️
> 
> Forewarning that things will start to slow down here soon. I’m reaching the end of what I have pre-written for this story, and I’ve been a little low on inspiration lately. So the next two chapters will come out on time, but there will probably be a break before anything new will be posted after that. Sorry, guys! Hope you understand.
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy this new (but very short) chapter!!

**_Saturday, October 7th, 2006_ **

_ “I love you, Alexandra Danvers.” _

Alex combs her fingers through Kara’s hair and guides her up into another warm, tender kiss. Kara’s words echo over and over again in her ears. She’s known, of course, how Kara feels about her. Her sweet alien girl has hardly been subtle about it, but because she hasn’t been ready yet, Alex has pushed it aside.

This can’t be pushed aside.

And…she doesn’t want it to be. Not anymore. She chose to try being in a relationship with Kara because she feels those same feelings. Maybe it’s time to finally let it all in.

“I love you too.” She smiles, quietly impressed that the words have come out without her voice wavering in the slightest. A weight she hasn’t realized she’s been carrying lifts off her shoulders.

“Yeah?” Kara asks softly, blue eyes glistening. “Really?”

“How could I not?” Alex scoffs, as if it’s the most ridiculous question she’s ever heard. “You are  _ so strong _ and—and kind and smart and just…beautiful.” She brushes her lips across the tip of Kara’s nose, pleased when the sensation causes Kara to hum and nuzzle her cheek.

“Softie,” Kara teases her fondly. Steady hands slip underneath Alex’s long tank top, warming her cold skin as darkness begins to submerge them. Goosebumps prickle her skin. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Alex murmurs. “I was so awful to you for so long…”

Kara lightly shakes her head, pressing her fingers into the skin on either side of Alex’s spine. The touch feels surprisingly pleasurable and pushes Alex forward in Kara’s lap. “Don’t do that. I know your heart, Alex. Even when we were at our worst, I know you had my back. You always took care of me.”

Alex slumps down in Kara’s arms, blinking back the tears filling her eyes. She still doesn’t feel deserving, not of Kara, and she doesn’t know if she ever will. But the conviction in Kara’s voice, the understanding and the adoration, it shakes her world in the best way, no matter how far it is beyond anything she deserves from Kara.

She wonders if the self-doubt will ever go away.

“Don’t go to your dark place,” Kara says. Alex blushes, perhaps more surprised than she should be that Kara can read her so well. “This is a happy time.” She presses a sweet kiss to Alex’s cheek. “Only happy feelings and happy thoughts allowed.”

“You’re right. Happy feelings. Very happy feelings,” Alex agrees, pressing her forehead to Kara’s. “I love you.”

Kara smiles, her hands on Alex’s skin pressing more firmly, keeping her warm and comfortable. “I love you too.”


	14. Chapter 14

**_Sunday, October 8th, 2006_ **

“I want to take you on a real date sometime.”

Alex glances down at Kara, tapping the spacebar on her laptop to pause the movie they’ve been watching. They’ve spent most of the evening, post-weekend homework, curled up together on their bedroom window seat. They’re propped up by mountains of pillows with Kara between Alex’s legs and laying against her shoulder while they make their way through Alex’s DVD collection.

“Aren’t you having a good time?”

Kara looks alarmed and shifts just enough to look up at Alex without dislodging the laptop. “Yes!” she exclaims. “Yeah, I am. I  _ always _ have a good time when I’m with you.” 

“But?” Alex prompts. She knows Kara better than to think the subject is closed. Kara will dwell on this forever if they don’t talk it out.

Kara shakes her head. “Nothing.” Alex gives her a look; Kara huffs stubbornly but relents under Alex’s unwavering stare. “I just… I want to take you out, like a real girlfriend. I want to take you to the movie theater or to dinner or coffee or something. I want to be able to hold your hand in public and show everyone how lucky I am.”

Alex nods, brushing Kara’s cheek soothingly. She’s been so happy with Kara since they took this new step. She was afraid she’d never be this happy again after losing her dad, but she is. And hiding from everyone, especially her mom, hasn’t been easy.

She is just petrified of their secret getting out. Not ashamed but scared. This is her last year of high school and she wants it to be as good as it possibly can be. For Kara, too. Being gay is one thing — this is California, after all, and they would hardly be the only queer kids at Midvale High — but their relationship would be harder to understand. It was more likely to end in ridicule than acceptance.

“I get it, baby. I want all of that, too. We just can’t right now. You know we can’t.” Alex presses her lips together sympathetically, looping a lock of blonde hair around her index finger. “Someday, maybe.”

It’s a vague, hollow promise and they both know that. Kara’s wants are completely valid and a part of Alex wants all of it, too. Their situation is just too tenuous. Now that Alex’s friend group outside of soccer has dwindled and she spends most of her time with Kara, there have already been plenty of comments about how weirdly close they’ve become in the last year.

And Kara’s just gotten away from being labeled ‘freak’ as much as she once was. Alex doesn’t want anything else cruel slapped on her, especially when she’ll be alone next year. Being apart is going to be hard enough for both of them already.

Alex reaches out to close her laptop lid and push it aside, toward the window so it doesn’t crash to the ground. She pulls on Kara’s t-shirt, coaxing her to turn over and curl up properly in her arms. She likes the way Kara’s weight squishes her just a little. Kara’s face presses into her neck, and she hums approvingly, rubbing gentle circles across her back.

“I know it’s hard,” Alex murmurs into Kara’s hair. “I know you hate hiding. You deserve more.” Her breath hitches as she whispers, “I’m sorry I can’t give you that.”

Kara lifts her head and kisses Alex softly. “Alex, I love you. I l have had such a good time with you this weekend. I only wish we could have more because  _ you _ deserve that. You shouldn’t have to hide, too.  _ You’re _ not the secret alien.”

Alex nods thoughtfully and considers that. In an ideal world, of course it would be nice to be open and unafraid. But even if all of Midvale didn’t know Kara as her foster sister and they could just be  _ girlfriends _ without the baggage, there’s still so much of this Alex is grappling with personally. It’s pretty clear that dedicating so much of her energy into enjoying  _ Kara _ is really just another way to keep from examining herself too closely.

But she’ll dwell on that thought much more later.

“Actually, it’s nice not having to share you with the world,” she admits. She grins, nuzzling Kara’s nose. “It’s like you’re my little hostage.”

Kara laughs at that, her eyes lighting up with genuine joy and surprise. Alex reaches out to cup her face and kiss her, but Kara’s hands wrap around her wrists instead. She’s flat on her back on the window seat cushion with Kara straddling her hips barely three seconds later.

“Or,” Kara murmurs with a mischievous smirk, “you’re  _ my _ hostage. I’m the alien, after all. Maybe I’ve abducted you to my UFO to examine you.”

Alex tries to twist her wrists free but Kara’s grip, while not too tight, is unyielding. A rush of excitement courses through her, making her heart race and her stomach swoop. She’s surprised by how much she likes being pinned, likes seeing Kara exerting just a little bit of her power. She has to squeeze her thighs together to ease the throbbing between them.

“Well, then where do you plan to start, my little alien overlord?” Alex questions breathily, flexing her fingers and wriggling beneath Kara’s body eagerly.

Kara grins, leaning down to press a kiss to Alex’s exposed collarbone, making her shiver with pleasure. “Mm, I think that seems like a good spot, don’t you?”

“Perfect,” Alex agrees, wrapping her legs tight around Kara’s waist.


End file.
